Roots and Wings

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. 
One of these is roots, the other, wings.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I feel this with every ounce of my soul. Everything I have said and all I have done for my children over the past 19+ years has been with the intention of providing a strong foundation during their pursuit of discovering who they are as individuals. The strict bedtimes, consistent eating habits and chores . Playdates with peers, endless carpools to activities, family vacations and morning dance parties. All of it was laden with the sole purpose of creating strong, independent adults who were ready to fly when the time came. Well, that day Is nearly here.

This September, Jacob started his sophomore year of college and Malia, her senior year of high school. I feel I am in the prime of motherhood. I love sitting with my young adult children and discussing what they are passionate about. I want to hear about the far-off places they want to go to and although I hate the thought of them being in those places without me – I will do everything in my power to help them get there. It is my privilege to support and guide them through those challenges in preparation for the proverbial leap out of the nest. While I fumbled my way through their toddler and early adolescent ages, I am thriving at this stage of parenthood.

It all began as casual conversations around the dinner table. These discussions of big picture dreams ultimately led my oldest to where he is today. I remember intently listening and observing through his high school years as various paths revealed themselves. I watched as he dismissed some and added others to his list of possibilities. Jacob knew he wanted to attend college in the south and had an interest in doing so through an ROTC scholarship program. As time passed and his dreams began to transform into realistic goals, it became evident just how demanding his journey would be.

The whole process took 18 months. 18 months of dreaming, planning, visiting, researching. 12 months of exploring, narrowing options, applying, interviewing, testing, anticipating. 6 months of acceptances, commitments, endings, celebrations and more anticipation. 2 months of waiting, packing, buying, packing more, paperwork and nerves.

As his mom, I put all my energy into making sure he knew everything about the colleges he was interested in and the process it took to apply for a military scholarship – including application forms, fitness tests, recommendations and interviews with each division. His college quest consumed my days, and, in the end, I was not okay with it ending.

I made getting Jacob to college my #1 occupation for 2021 and 2022. In the end, he was awarded a 3-year full scholarship from the US Army ROTC program and was accepted to his dream school Embry Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach Florida. Mission accomplished.

While Jacob and I were busy paving his path, Malia was in the wings awaiting her cue. She listened as we went through the process of applications, college visits and acceptances. She joined in on the discussions of dreams and what she was considering for her own college pursuit. We even began reviewing what her journey may look like and potential schools she could attend. Unintentionally we were laying the groundwork for her turn and now here we are.

Malia has chosen to attend college as a performing arts major. Musical theatre is an undeniable passion of hers and the environment she thrives in. Pursuing an education in performing arts requires the ability to navigate your way through a labyrinth of training, prescreen auditions, in person auditions, travel planning, inevitable rejections and hopeful acceptances. It is a process of highs and lows and one that promises as much heartache as it does joy.

As hard and time consuming as Jacob’s path was, Malia’s will be 10x’s harder. Ultimately it comes down to this, it is what my daughter is passionate about and because of that, I will do everything I can possibly do to help her get there.

Two very different children. Two very different paths to who they are going to be. Two time consuming and tedious application processes requiring fulltime parental supervision to ensure all “t’s” are crossed and all “i’s” are dotted. Journeys I vehemently raise my hand to offer my service for.

As enthusiastic as I am to resume the role of my college bound child’s coordinator and cheerleader, I know how excruciatingly hard it will be to let her go. The week leading into Jacob’s freshman year drop off was the most challenging and emotional time in my life. After all the effort I had put in and all the hours we had spent together through the college admission process, I was devastated as his move in day approached.

My journal – August 18, 2022:

In 2 days, we take him to his chosen destination. My heart hurts and my nerves are at an all-time high. This was the goal. This is what I have put all else on the back burner for. THIS is all I have wanted for him because it is what he wanted so badly for himself.

I just can’t imagine sitting at the dining room table night after night with one chair empty. As a family of 6, we fill out that table so nicely. A missing body will throw the whole thing off kilter. It will seem so odd to walk past his room and not casually shut the light out that he left on… again.

He is now responsible for himself. There is no reason to check his email for missed communication from his future school. It is all in his court. But what about me? What about all I have taken on? How do I let it all go? How do I let HIM go? How in the hell am I going to walk away on that final day of drop off. It feels like an ending of enormous proportions. A job, an obsession and my first-born child.

I have been waiting for this. The wave of emotion has been slowly building since the spring. All those senior events marking the end of high school. For most of them, I felt the taste of what I am feeling now. A tear forming in the corner of my eye that never filled enough to roll down my cheek. But those were his endings. This right here, this is mine. It is a new beginning for him but for me it is wrapping up one of the hardest, most demanding years of my life.

A year ago, I turned away from Jake and left him at a college 1200 miles away. It was absolutely the hardest and most thrilling thing I have ever had to do. But I did it. And today, although I miss him, we have found a sense of normalcy with him not living under our room. A year from now, I will have to do the same with Malia. Staring down that loaded barrel of truth leaves me breathless. However, the ability to travel with her through the next year is the only thing I want to do.

Jacob is now taking the lead in his own life as he completes college and prepares to serve as an officer in the Army. Malia will assume her own leading role when she crosses the threshold of her chosen collegiate destination. And this is the way it should be… but that doesn’t make it easier.

I am in awe of the determination of these two and the confidence they have in who they are as individuals. I take pride in knowing it was the roots Rich and I provided that helped them know when they were ready to fly.