Social Disney-ing As a Family
Our Walt Disney World family vacation was conceived in determination to get over the year that challenged us. I believed it would be the catalyst to our “back to normal” life and a time we could look back from to see how far we had come. It never occurred to me, we would still be in the midst of global pandemic nearly a year later and 9 whole months after I booked the trip. I could not have been more wrong.
It came as a pure act of desperation to escape the new normalcy of guidelines and restrictions we had been stumbling our way through since March. The desire to fill the void and replace the heavy sense of loss weighing down on our family was undeniable. Our 2020 family calendar was once full of school trips, business conferences and family vacations. Until suddenly, it wasn’t. The pages abruptly scrubbed of all our anticipated adventures, leaving us nothing to look forward to. I desperately wanted to fill the void and replace the sense of loss. I needed a little more magic and a lot less dread. I wanted that for me. I needed that for us
I was so damn tired of watching my kids follow the rules of the pandemic. It was exhausting to monitor how they were doing in their unique academic environment and constantly worry about their overall health. I was mentally and physically depleted, desperately in need of something for the entire family to look forward to.
As travel refund after travel refund appeared in our bank account, I knew where I wanted to redirect those funds. It was time to take that Walt Disney Vacation we had been dreaming about. So, I booked it.
It took until November for reality set in. This life of social distancing and restrictive guidelines were not going away any time soon – certainly not in time for our planned February vacation. While I teetered on the fine line of trip reimbursement deadlines and the promising notion of pixie dust, my mind continuously wrestled with how to proceed. Do I take a chance and go forward with our plans or do I reschedule and put my children in the position of facing yet another loss?
My subconscious weighed out the options, analyzed the risks and tormented my psyche with the decision. I was at a loss for what to do.
On a gray day, just before Christmas, the answer became crystal clear. I can still recall the afternoon high school drop off. I was parked in the lot, delivering my 2 eldest for their in-school lessons. It was the second half of their school day. The first half was held in their bedrooms. Each room, side by side, on 2 corners of our four-square home. The local school system had successfully followed a hybrid method of schooling since September. Half the students attend in-school learning in the morning, the other half in the afternoon. A school divided by last name.
As I watched my Junior and Freshman make their way across the barren parking lot with their beautiful faces covered with masks, I felt the weight of their loss. The loss of what high school is supposed to be. The mass greeting of friends as you approach the front doors. The big high school football games and the mixing with new friends. Playing high school soccer without a flag being thrown due to a “COVID violation” every 2 minutes. The thrill of being the captain of your Rifle team as a junior, yet not able to attend meets in person. The dances that will inevitably be cancelled and the trip to Spain which already had. But they were okay. Kids are resilient (or at least that is what we are telling ourselves). I reminded myself, there would be a time when things could go back to the way they were. We would once again be the only ones grounding our kids for breaking the rules and they would be our rules – not COVID rules. Until then, I would just sit in my minivan and watch my 2 oldest make their way into school, walking 10 steps apart from each other as if they did not know each other (because some things never change). I sat there that day and absorbed the things that maybe they did not realize they were missing… but let’s face it… they did. They still do.
During their daily remote sessions, I can hear their teachers giving lectures and engaging the teenagers through screens. I can hear occasional laughter and I can feel the boredom seeping under their bedroom doors as they go through their obligated class blocks. When they are physically in school, some of their teachers will be in the classroom when they get there. Others will be joining them over Google Meet due to their own personal at-risk circumstances. A few teachers attempt to teach both the remote class and in class students simultaneously. Others know their limitations and offer different lesson plans based on where the student is on their hybrid schedule. Although this formula has been deemed successful in providing some form of in-school learning – it still sucks.
It all sucks. It sucks and it is not optimal for learning. Half the class goes into the school at a time. The kids are separated by last name and the passing friends in the hallway is not part of their day. It is not ideal but it is considered safe. It is safe but it is so damn sad. They should be getting in trouble for chatting too long in the hall. They should not be segregated from their best friends because their last name is at the other end of the alphabet. They should be making plans after school. Heck, they should be able to have the big-bash-blow-out parties of high school that they will get grounded for without the entire school district shutting down. But that is not our life right now. It is not their life right now. And although there definitely is some skirting of the rules, it is at a minimum and at a hefty cost if caught.
This was the day I made the decision to do more than sit and watch. The decision to bring something into their lives – our lives. The decision that was sure to bring a smile to their eyes, even behind those god-awful masks. Something to look forward to and break us from the never-ending wave of loss that has been pounding the shores and sweeping away the adventures we had planned over the last year. It was in that moment I decided I would not cancel the trip, regardless of where we stood in the pandemic in February. We were going to Walt Disney World and I was going to do everything in my power to make it safe to do so.
Over the months that followed that school drop off, my mind flip-flopped over this decision. Although, I knew I would be just as proficient with the preventative measures of safety we have practiced over the past year, I also feared it would not be enough. I knew the trip was what I wanted for my family and for their mental health, however if any of us or our extended family fell ill to the virus following our return, I did not know how I would ever forgive myself.
The messages I read on my newsfeeds, although not directed at me, seeped in through my pores and threatened the joy in the anticipation of our trip. I could not help but read the judgmental chatter on social media and take it personal. Accusations of selfishness for those “ignoring” the warning of travel and escaping to warmer weather. Speculations of how the rule-breakers would return to contaminate our community. I could see the worry behind my relative’s eyes as I justified our trip and explained the measures, I was taking to ensure our health. I felt guilty and unworthy of travel. What gave me the right over others to take a break from the struggle? We were “all in this together”, right?
Regardless of how tormented the opinions of other made me feel, the image of my teenage children, walking across the empty high school parking lot haunted my doubts bringing me back to what has always held the most importance – the welfare of my family. They needed this and to me, that was far more important than the opinions of others. I knew I could take all the same measures for our safety as I took on my weekly trip to the supermarket. I knew I could do this responsibly, not only for us but for those around us. And I knew, deep down, that I needed to do this.
As parents, we are challenged daily with decisions we need to make for our children’s well-being. The ideals we want to set for them, the boundaries we feel important in order to keep them safe and the amount of freedom we grant to allow for them to make their own mistakes. Our approach is a combination of our upbringing, the society we live in, and our child’s needs. Most of all, they are made up of what is important to us as parents. The judgement of others should not be the basis of the decisions we make for our family. This belief has never been challenged more than the past year.
Thankfully, I always came back to what I believed to be true; only Rich and I can truly determine what our children need to thrive. This knowledge is what got me through all those indecisive months leading to our family vacation in the middle of a global pandemic. And to that end, I will defend the reasoning behind our Walt Disney World trip as one of the best parenting decisions I have made in my 17 years of being a mother.
During those 5 nights/6 days away, there was not a moment when I felt more at risk than being in public in my own community. As I was walking through the Magic Kingdom on that first day, I realized there was very little difference from me walking through the grocery store, taking my children to a ski resort or to a local bowling alley. Sure, I was among individuals from all over, however, I felt no more exposed than a Saturday morning at Market Basket. And just like any local establishment, everyone around me wore a mask (and if they attempted to remove them, they were given a friendly reminder by a cast member within moments). There was never an instance when we were in close proximity with another family for more than a few minutes and the markers on the ground throughout the park stood as reminders to keep our distance. I felt safe.
The importance of getting away as a family is undeniable. It removes the barriers keeping us in our own compartmental roles of the household. Vacations break down all the walls we build and bring us to a whole new level in our relations as a family. When you factor in keeping ourselves 6 feet away from other families, there is no other option but to bring our attention to our own inner circle. We came out of this trip with 6 days of meals together; equaling countless discussions around one table multiple times a day. We returned to the safety of our home with an abundance of interactions between the vast age span of my children. Moments that bonded them together, creating life-long memories and a deepened admiration for one another (although they will never admit it, because some things never change). Those are conversations and moments of laughter that would have never occurred if I listened to the chatter or acknowledged the sideway glances.
We needed that time together. Yes, we have been “together” while locked down in the safety of our home for the past year. However, being together on a family vacation is an entirely different story. On a family vacation, there are no rooms to barricade your teenage selves in. No office to run off to on the weekend in order to finish that one last project from the work week. There are no Xbox meets with 3rd grade buddies. All of a sudden, there are no distractions to take the older kids away from their needy 5-year-old sister who is craving attention from one of her siblings. I will be forever grateful for what I observed during our stay in Orlando in the midst of a global pandemic.
Among all this forced family time, I noted moments in line for a ride when Jacob and Malia stood next to each other and talked with one another. They teased, discussed television shows, shared funny Tik Toks and so on. They simply acknowledged each other’s existence and it was in profound opposition to what I observed on the drop off day that inevitably concreted this vacation on our family calendar.
The truth is, in any hardship you face as an individual or as a family, actions need to be made in order to pull yourself through and come out on the other side. To my delight, the act we took as a family not only held us together but made us stronger than ever before. We not only built memories to look back on, but we developed relationships to rely on. That was my initial reason for booking the trip and it is the reason that I held strong to in order to make it happen.
I hope, in the future, when I find myself following the path of self-doubt due to opinions spewed across social media, I remember the time I did not listen to the chatter. That time, during a global pandemic, when I recognized what we needed to do as a family and the steps I took to ensure it was not only mentally beneficial but safely and responsibly executed according to facts.
With the increased availability of vaccines, life is starting to show signs of normalcy. Our attention is being drawn to college searches, kindergarten registrations, spring musicals, the upcoming sports season and away from COVID-19. Life after the pandemic has never felt closer and we can finally start to glance back at how far we have come. I believe various forms of loss will always be associated with the year 2020. However, I am grateful we were able to start the new year out the way I know it will end, as a year of gain.
Our 2021 trip to the most magical place on earth will remain an unforgettable highlight to this unorthodox time in our lives. I look forward to reliving the memories we created on this trip, along with all the other adventures we have taken and will take in the future.
“Remember the vacation we took to Walt Disney World during the pandemic. You know the one when we were all behind a mask?”
How could I ever forget? It was the best decision I ever made!
