A Merry 2020 Christmas

If your family is anything like mine, you have started the discussion of what the dos and don’ts will be for the upcoming COVID-style Christmas. How to keep the celebration and joy while staying safe and healthy? In some respects, I am ready to dive into the Christmas season earlier than usual and with far more gusto than in years past. Bring on the lights and tinsel! But then, there is that lingering dark COVID cloud still hanging low over my head. Increased warnings and guidelines buzz in my ears with the fervor of Scrooge and the Grinch combined. How do I cut back but still immerse myself into the season? How can I increase joy, yet minimize togetherness? This is especially hard with the large Italian family I grew up in. The Frontierro’s don’t know what Christmas is without the warmth of being in each other’s presence.

Since long before I was born, my relatives of Italian descent have reserved Christmas Eve for a large family gathering. This is actually a tradition of many Italian families and known as the feast of the 7 fishes. We drifted from the “7 fishes” aspect of the event years ago, however the foundation of togetherness is stronger than ever. Unlike the typical gatherings centered around Christmas, this evening has never been about the gifts. In fact, aside from the annual Yankee Swap game, there aren’t any gifts exchanged at all. The night is simple, festive and a whole lot of fun.

Of all my childhood memories, Christmas Eve is the one I hold closest to my heart. You see, I am one of 20 cousins from a family of 5 siblings. The whole gaggle of us grew up within 10 miles of each other and despite the 30-year span from the oldest to youngest, there is hardly more than a couple years between each of us. Throughout our youth, we spent every holiday, event, vacation and any excuse in-between with each other. The seed of togetherness was planted by our ancestors, the hearty roots of family came from our parents and the unwavering support we continue to provide one another has created an unbreakable bond very few will ever have the luxury of knowing. All those moments and the memories we have created together make up the foundation of who I am today.  They are more than my aunts, uncles and cousins – they are my second parents, siblings and best friends.

As we grew into adults and began to build our own families, that bond only strengthened. We welcomed each other’s significant others into our group and consider them as another “cousin” to add to the fun. We are very aware how rare it is to still hold such close relations to extended family and feel blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy each other – together – every December 24th. And together we always are. There have been years when 80+ adults and children packed my cousin’s home. The mere ability to host such an enormous group of people can be challenging and we have often wondered how long we would be able to pull it off. However, regardless how crowded it may get, we refuse to let go of our traditional Christmas Eve as a family.

Over the years, we have made minor adjustments to the evening. We add games, Santa visits and beverage choices. The sit-down dinners my grandmother used to serve have long since become buffet style. However, her Italian recipes of stuffed shrimp, spiedini, polpo (octopus) salad, stuffed shells and sausage live on and are a constant staple each year. It is a day I treasure but it is a day, for the first time in 45 years, I will not be attending. And neither will the rest of the crew.

Although you may not get the whole octopus salad thing (none of our spouses ever did either), I am sure your holiday is facing impending changes from years past. Traditions have to be reimagined. It truly stinks, especially in the year 2020, when Christmas joy is so desperately needed. So, how can we bring the spirit of the holiday into our year of change? I have a few ideas.

Here are a few traditions we typically celebrate during the holiday season and how I plan to make the best of the year of social distancing.

Black Friday Shopping

My sister Robin and I have cherished this tradition for years. On our first venture on this notorious shopping event years ago, we promised each other to never be in one of those crazy lines needing an item. We created a tradition around an excuse for us to spend a day (ahem… very early morning) shopping together. Year after year, we would hop in the car at 4 am, pick up a coffee and drive to the mall. We sat in her warm car, enjoying our caffeinated beverages while mocking the people shivering in the lines for the latest video game console. Once the line entered the store, we would make our way to the toy section and fill our carts with amazing deals to create a magical Christmas morning for our kids.

Admittedly this tradition has not felt the same in the past few years, with increased online shopping and the fact that the Black Friday shopping event has crept further and further into Thanksgiving Thursday, we have found ourselves less enthused as the years pass. But it is tradition therefore something we try to do together each year.

In 2020:
Our local shops need us more than any of those big stores right now. They have been hit hard during the pandemic. Shopping local is important every year, but this year the calling to do so is much stronger than ever before.

Make a small event around shopping local. Perhaps it’s a much-needed girls’ day on Main Street with your close circle of friends (the ones within your bubble). Take the opportunity to walk from store to store, discover what members of your own community have to offer. Buy unique gifts for everyone on your list and avoid the boxed department stores. Gift certificates for the teachers to local coffee shops or an ornament at the corner gift shop. Get your parents a gift certificate to a downtown restaurant. Your BFF earrings from the boutique you have been meaning to check out. How about a gift certificate for your daughter to get her nails or hair done? Have conversations with the shop owners – they have been through a lot and would appreciate the support. Post your finds on social media and tag the store. Tell everyone what you are doing! Make it a trend. Then go have dinner at one of the restaurants owned by a family friend. Make it a #zipcodeChristmas.

By creating this safe event, you are still getting that time together as you did on Black Friday AND you are supporting your community in a way you haven’t before. I am looking forward to my girls’ day on Main Street – even more than the crowd fighting events pre-Covid.

Secret Santa/Yankee Swap

It’s a long-standing tradition of friends and coworkers to have a group gift swapping party. This is usually in the form of a Yankee Swap or Secret Santa hosted by a member of the group. Food, drinks, laughs and time together. It is often something we all look forward to this time of year. Myself, I attend one every year with a group of about 20 other women. We are all from different towns, with multiple kids and busy lives. Some are by-the-book social distance participants. Others are not. So, what do you do in this Christmas season of COVID?

In 2020:
We are making it virtual. I know, I know. We are all sick of the Zoom parties but hear me out. There are multiple ways we can do this safely and still have a good laugh together.

What if each person buys themselves a present and wraps it. Let’s face it, most of us want to keep the swap gift we buy for ourselves anyway (some of us more than others – insert name of that friend).

Another option, a gift certificate exchange to local restaurants. This may take a little more organization of a drop off location and a designated person to deliver gifts. However, it is definitely something everyone can use and it is another way to support your local community of business owners.

Either option should only be opened one at a time over zoom, with a glass of wine in hand and an appetizer/dessert you would have contributed if it was a “normal” year.

Next year, we will go back to fighting over our Yankee Swap gifts. I promise.

Breakfast/Visiting with Santa

If you have young kids, visiting with Santa Claus is an integral part of the holiday season. For our family, it has always been a magical tradition with a dash of childhood torture. Whether at the mall or our local club’s annual Santa Breakfast, when the anticipated Santa sighting finally occurs my kids are elated. They shriek and point to the jolly old man adorned in the bright red suit. I have adorable photos of them grinning ear to ear… from across the room. And then, it is time to sit on his lap to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. Their joy quickly turns to shyness and then into shear horror as they struggle against the conflicting ideas of wanting the nicely wrapped gift and/or candy cane Santa’s assistant is offering and the terror of stepping an inch closer to his throne to receive it. Even with the roller coaster of emotions, the tears mixed with elation, the whole family looks forward to our annual visit with the big man. But not in the year of COVID!

In 2020:
I wonder if Santa will do a little drive by for the kids this year? Obviously not in his sleigh, as I am sure it will be getting prepped for delivery. But if he is free, maybe he will swing by for a quick wave. However, if Santa is too busy preparing for this year’s Christmas delivery, perhaps he will be able to make a virtual appearance. Due to the quarantine, numerous online sources are offering virtual Santa visits. Already, Macy’s has announced their virtual experience with Santa Claus. As time goes on, there will sure to be apps, websites and social media pages offering similar services. Just be sure to be safe when sharing information over the internet. Especially when it comes to info on your children.

City/Town Tree Lighting

It happens in cities across the country. Shortly after Thanksgiving, the town gathers in a square where an enormous tree is adorned with colorful lights and ornaments. Youth choirs sing, bands play and radio stations entertain the community as we await the moment we are gathered for – the tree lighting. In our town, local vendors provide hot chocolate and popcorn for the spectators. Fake snow is blown out of a machine while Frosty the Snowman plays in the background. And then the countdown…. 5,4,3,2,1. Just like that, we have officially entered the holiday season. This year, the trees will undoubtedly be lit but there will be no fanfare around the occasion. No man-made snowflakes cascading through the air. No singing children in puffy coats. No icy toes, frozen fingers or chattering teeth to be seen.

In 2020:
It’s all over social media. Everyone is anxious to get their decorations up early in order to add holiday cheer to the year of doom and gloom. Now this is just an assumption, but I bet this will be an epic year for house-light decoration and I can’t wait! I plan to create a family night around touring the decorations in our area. Here’s the plan: A nice Saturday night in December (because there will be no crazy schedule of concerts, parties or obligations to interfere), take the family out to eat IN a local restaurant (safely… of course), drive around town voting on our favorites, come home to a Christmas movie marathon, add some hot cocoa and bam – a perfect holiday night is had by all. It’s different. But notice how everywhere we will go is heated. This to me is a huge bonus to our alternate plans. Not having to wait, in the freezing cold, for the switch to be flipped on the town Christmas tree may not be such a bad thing for this winter-hating-mama.

Some of the crew cooking for Christmas Eve in 2019 – man I love these people

As for our Christmas Eve in 2020…
This event is truly irreplaceable. I am going to do my best to make it as special as I can. How am I going to do that? Well, I am going to make sure every one of grandma’s famous Italian dishes are a central part of the night. I will gather with my bubble of immediate family while my extended family gathers with theirs. I will be sure to appreciate the rare blessing of my typical Christmas Eve tradition and look forward to when we can enjoy it again.

That being said, I don’t think I can wait until next December for a good-old-fashion-Italian-Christmas-Eve-extravaganza. No, I think we are going to have to do it sooner than 12 months from now. I am sure you all feel the same about your own holiday traditions. I propose we jump on the holiday of procrastinators and have a Christmas in July. Picture your typical summer cookout. Grill going, kids swimming, cold beers swilling and Santa Baby playing in the background (wait, what?). Alter those traditional cookout plans to include all those warm fuzzy traditions that embrace your “normal” Christmas. Colorful lights, wreaths, music and all. Heck, serve the freakin’ pulpo. We deserve a bonus celebration day and we should take it!  

We are all guilty for taking for granted what was the norm before 2020. Little-by-little, we have had to re-exam our lives over the course of a year. Some things and some people have been pulled closer and cherished more. Others have been released.

This holiday season is going to be different. There is no denying that. Just like this summer was different. The school year is different. Life is just…. different. Embrace the change. Acknowledge it as temporary. Recognize the absence of the past – what is missed and what isn’t. Promise yourself to only bring back what you really miss and look forward to a better future.

We will all be together again – whether it is this summer or next December. And what a joyous time we will have then. Man, when that day comes, it will be like Christmas Eve with the Frontierro’s!