Rise Up Survivors!

I’m a survivor (what), I’m not gon’ give up (what). I’m not gon’ stop (what), I’m gon’ work harder (what). I’m a survivor (what), I’m gonna make it (what). I will survive (what), keep on survivin’ (what) – Destiny’s Child

Ah Survivor by none other than Destiny’s Child, a group of strong, successful women. The words from this legendary song play out in my head as an anthem whenever I am faced with hardship. The lyrics are powerful, inspiring and motivating, providing that extra boost when I need it most. When the chorus plays; my back straightens, my eyes squint in determination and I take a deep breath before plunging forward. I can do this difficult thing. I can get through this hard season. The challenges of life aren’t going to take me down. I am a survivor and I am not going to give up. I will work harder and I am going to make it. I am a survivor

As a woman, I am not alone in the sisterhood of survivors. I look around at the female super stars in my life with a combination of awe and empathetic understanding. I see them face challenges with unyielding determination and trudge through their day with fluid numbness to the pain and heartbreak life inevitably delivers.

We have all overcome obstacles put in front of us – even the one’s that feel impossible are eventually conquered. We fight and we push and we do what we have to do to tread through the mucky waters. We morph and we bend and we shrink and we even occasionally expand to fit into who we need to be for those around us. Too often losing ourselves in the process.

The moms of young children, counting the days from one difficult toddler stage to the next. The women who crave the opportunity to be a mother but for one reason or another, struggle to accomplish something they once assumed would just happen. The working woman who fights to earn respect within her workplace and still shows up for her family every day. The wives clinging to the loose threads of a marriage, even when the relationship orbits around substance abuse, infidelity and lacks the affection she desires (& deserves). Those who make the choice to break the ties and raise their children on their own. Then there are those who have that decision made for them in the sudden absence of their spouse. The moms fighting for their kids with disabilities or debilitating diseases. The woman who face their own health crisis, having to make the ultimate pivot of attending her own needs after years of taking care of everyone else. There are just too many mountains conquered to list.  

Chances are you saw yourself in one of those women described above. It is even more possible that you could paint a picture of a different fight you have overcome. We all have a war or 2 to fight and many more battles we have already fought through. Battles that seemed impossible yet you managed to come out on the other side. You survived. But did you win?

What if you want more? Shouldn’t you want more? What if you surviving the battle is just step 1 and step 1a is finding your way to higher ground? The win. Don’t we want to reflect back and say I really kicked some ass and thrived in the season of hardness? I look around at the women working through their stuff and think “they are just surviving right now”. This thought gives the term “surviving” a whole new definition and takes a little of the air out of one of my favorite hype songs. Working hard to get through the day without finding the glass ceiling to break through doesn’t make for a life lived. But here we are, with zombie-like-automation, just hoping to get through another day. Well screw that! I need to find a new song (no offense Beyonce and friends).

I have spent too many years in defeated survival mode. I have lost the will to fight for myself too many times. Everyone deserves more out of life than survival. You deserve more. Yes, good for you for not perishing in the pursuit of getting by. I am certainly happy to see you chose the path of survival over submissing to the crash and burn. However, let me tell you a little secret; I always knew you would. What will it take for women to realize that when we are done with all that surviving malarkey – we will have the opportunity to thrive if we are open to it? We have the option to rise up now, even during the struggle. I see it in us. Our loved ones see it in us. Unjam those gears that are stuck in survival mode and let’s go!

2020 has brought an abundance of heavy, thick, messiness to all of us. Seriously, this is the first time in our lifetime that something has so directly affected all of us, worldwide. Aside from the challenges of quarantine, the fear of the unknown and the sadness with what has been lost, this whole year has seemed to bring all sorts of buried ugliness to the surface – making the already challenging times that much more difficult to navigate. With each announcement of deadly insects, spiking numbers and closing businesses, my optimism tries to take over. I think “but this has to be it right?”. It usually isn’t. The weight of that knowledge is so heavy on my heart. There have been times during this pandemic when I seized the opportunity to thrive as I survived. However, there has been a lot of moments when I have not. The pain and frustration of others seems to seep into my pores and takes me by surprise with overbearing emotions. Survival has never been more important and also so hard to embrace than it has been this year. It has felt like a balancing act between sinking into the disparity, purposefully raising my head in determination and mindfully setting myself up to rise up to the occasion.

Through meditation and yoga practice, I have been trained to focus on my present state – not looking back at what has been or anticipating what the future will be. Knowing I cannot control what has happened in the past nor can I worry about what will happen in the future. Living in the here and now. This mindful approach to surviving the drastic dips and inclines of life has helped me progress through the emotions with grace and perspective. How I react to the present – this is something I can control right now. The best part; because I am not creating false scenarios of what ifs by forecasting future travesties, I am able to align myself for my best life.

It is the end of August, the end of summer and the beginning of fall. The sense of new beginnings loom, while closure of what once was hangs in the air.  Schools are opening in so many different ways this year. Parents are aligning themselves for the onset of new schedules. Teachers are gearing up to enter their classroom whether it is physically or digitally. Business owners try to push forward, molding to meet safety guidelines and consumer trends. Wondering how much longer they can persist and if their business will ever be the same again. Office workers who once commuted to large concrete buildings are settling into the “at home” work environment. Everybody knows this new normal will eventually change… again. But when? This fall season brings a new beginning as no other year before, with so many unknowns for the months to come. Women everywhere are surviving the day to day while preparing for every possible scenario for the future of their family and their sanity. It is harder than ever to not look ahead and worry about what could be or get caught up in the “what ifs”. At the same time, it has never been more vital to stay in our lane and do everything we can to control our own situation.

The fear is palpable. Women are forced into the mode of survival. Whether you are a mother, grandmother, teacher, business owner, employee or all of the above, wherever the year leads us our mindset will determine how we come out on the other side. I can not help but wonder if we enter this new chapter of COVID with muddled clarity of what that will look like, a head full of negative commentary from social media and fear of the unknown, are we not setting ourselves up for the inevitable survival zombie mode. Will we be able to find the tools to thrive and create our own safe environments? Environments we can control. It is imperative right now for all of us rise up in our roles as women, mothers and community members. There is no other option.

I know some will roll their eyes at the mindfulness approach. I get it. There are times I would too. I challenge you to question whether your current methods of survival are helping you right now. Better yet, what are they doing for you?

Now I have ripped apart my hype song and gave it a whole new meaning. It no longer pertains to how I want to persevere through these hard times. I know I want more. This recognition brings me on a search of a new hype song. And then I found this…

Rise
by Katy Perry

I won’t just survive
Oh, you will see me thrive
Can’t write my story
I’m beyond the archetype
I won’t just conform
No matter how you shake my core
‘Cause my roots, they run deep, oh

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in my veins
I know it, I know it
And I will not negotiate
I’ll fight it, I’ll fight it
I will transform

When, when the fire’s at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They’re whispering, you’re out of time
But still, I rise
This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in, think again
Don’t be surprised, I will still rise

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

‘Cause when, when the fire’s at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They’re whispering, you’re out of time
But still, I rise
This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in, think again
Don’t be surprised, I will still rise

Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt
Oh, oh, oh, oh
You know it, you know it
Still rise
Just fight it, just fight it
Don’t be surprised, I will still rise

Katy, you are speaking my language. This. This is how I will survive. I will still rise!