Gratitude for All

I practice gratitude daily – twice a day – everyday. It is a practice encouraged by virtually every motivational speaker via books, podcasts, and social media feeds. Expressing gratitude is nothing new nor is there anything wrong with the act. So why is it, every time I describe my daily routine, it feels like I am confessing to something I should be embarrassed about? Why do I assume that each person I tell is giving me an eye roll to the action I attribute to my very survival in the day to day grind and the really hard stuff too? And why do I find myself so surprised to hear of others who find the same benefits in writing out all their daily good stuff?

Honestly, I have only been consistent in my own gratitude practice for a year and a half. However, it is something that I have encouraged and assisted my children to do for the past 10 years.

Introducing a daily practice to my children came in the form of parenting desperation that turned into gold. One of those moments when a mom is reaching for straws as she tries to reason with her child in the depths of toddler unrest. This particular straw just happened to be a winner. A rare gem of parenting genius that the Andrews’ have clung to ever since.

It was November(ish) in the year 2008(ish). My sweet oldest child Jacob sat beside me amidst a sea of toys in our family playroom. My goal was to teach him a lesson on giving to the less fortunate. I told him to select 4 toys that he no longer played with and add them to the donation bin. These toys would then be given to children who may not have as many as he did.

Jacob sat in contemplative silence as I continued to tell him how lucky he was to have so many people in his life who cared for him and bought him all these nice toys. I stressed that we should also be kind and pass them along for other children to enjoy. It was pretty clear that Jacob wasn’t sold on this idea as he watched his possessions being placed one by one into the bin.

“Besides” I said “Santa is coming soon and he will be bringing new toys”. I saw a light turn on behind his big blue eyes and bless my sweet, sweet boy, he began to help me put toys in the bag!!! I was bursting with pride as I saw him pick through his precious possessions, selecting item after item to give to other children. Within seconds he reached the allotted 4 toy contribution but continued to add more and more toys.

“That’s okay Jake, you don’t have to give away all your toys” I told him as I watched him put one after another after another aside. He wasn’t slowing down. I soon realized he was putting ALL his toys in the bag – even his favorite Buzz and Woody dolls (Ahem, did he not learn anything during his repeat viewings of Toy Story – NEVER get rid of Buzz and Woody).

“That’s enough Jacob, you aren’t going to have anything left”. He looked up at me while grasping an armful of stuff. “But I want Santa to bring me ALL new toys. I will give these to the other boys and then get new ones on Christmas” Shit! That lesson totally took a whole new direction. The little stinker somehow came to the conclusion that every toy that went in the bag would be replaced by a bright shiny new one on Christmas morning.

As I tried to reason with my disappointed 4-year-old, a temper tantrum of mammoth proportions ensued. The more I explained the harder the tears fell. I was flabbergasted at how quickly this lesson went South and had no idea how to bring him out of it. After a while, Jacob’s kicking and screaming finally subsided. I looked at his puffy, red face and sighed. I already felt the number of gifts that were showered over my kids every holiday and birthday was excessive. Now here I sat with my spoiled 4-year-old among piles and piles of colorful plastic items at a crossroads. It wasn’t his fault he had all this “stuff” and of course he wanted more. He was 4 after all. I wanted to somehow get back to my lesson in appreciation and giving – with age-appropriate expectations. That’s when I pulled that last straw…

“Jacob, I want you to name 5 things that really make you happy. Things that you are thankful for”. I guided him through it and made sure not every item was material. From that night on and with each of my 4 kids, our nightly routine includes thinking of all the people we would like God to bless and what we are thankful for that day. Often this becomes somewhat of a memorized script – same people, same blessings. But every once in a while, a good, new one slips into rotation and confirms my believe in the lesson that was started so long ago. Golden parenting moment turned into life lesson.

Now, I know for a fact my teens do not have this daily prayer practice anymore. We are long past a tucking in, nightly routine. I do hope they rediscover it some day and it brings them the sense of peace and comfort it now brings me.

During all those years of my nightly routine with my children, I never considered this beneficial practice could be applied to my own life as an adult. Not until I found myself clawing my way out of a particularly dire bout of anxiety, trying my hardest not to drown in emotion. Journaling was a desperate act among a million other methods I was trying in order to find my happy/calm balance. This habit of observing and recognizing the good in my life was the one tactic that stuck and has helped me maintain the stability I want, even in the most difficult seasons.

Each morning I write 5 things I am grateful for. Some days it is super easy – date night, getting a new client, completing a project, spending time with a good friend, etc. Other days… not so much. On the days when the joy doesn’t come easy, I stick with the simplicity of a hot cup of coffee, a quiet morning, the weather, the view from my house, even just having a gratitude practice is something I am thankful for.

Just as your best workout comes when you really do not want to get on that treadmill, the days that aren’t overly extraordinary and sometimes downright shitty, is when I NEED to recognize that the hot cup of coffee in a quiet house with an amazing view is pretty flipping awesome.

The second half of my practice comes at the end of the day. Every night, as I lay in bed, I picture each member of my household and recall a moment during the day that included them. Again, not always amazing accomplishment (sometimes… but not always). Typically, these are just snip it’s from the last 24 hours that made me stop and appreciate my people. Things that brought me joy just from being in the presence of the family I created – Rich bringing home dinner, Jake in his ROTC uniform, Malia singing in her room, Jackson making me laugh, catching sight of Carolyn sleeping peacefully on the couch. I often fall asleep during the process of recalling my day. My own method of counting sheep if you will. I don’t write any of this down but you can bet I pay closer attention to these moments during the day with the intention to recall them later that night.

Benefits I have found from my gratitude practice:

Focus on goals
There are so many different types of journals out there that provide a guide to your practice. Mine is the Start Today Journal by the Hollis Co. Rachel Hollis’ book Girl, Wash Your Face was the catalyst into my own practice. It came at a time when I was reassessing my life – personally and professionally. The Start Today Journal is what I need to keep me on my own path and look back at how far I have come.

There are journals that guide you driven by faith, career, parenthood, humor or you can just pick up any old notebook and start writing. I have always been a sucker for pretty design, so whether that be a Start Today Journal or something I pick up at Marshall’s, it has to hold visual appeal.

Positivity
Often, when I am writing out my 5 lines of gratitude, I have my own personal commentary going on. For example, I am grateful for Carolyn’s sweet smile. Followed by: If only she didn’t drive me crazy with her stubbornness most of the time. This internal dialogue can and will go off the rails if I let it. I will begin picturing one of those particularly stubborn moments and how I lost my cool, how she cried and I felt bad and gave her what she wanted anyway. And then she… (okay, you get the point).

I catch myself in these moments and redirect it back towards gratitude and away from the negative. Flipping the narrative, finding the good, making the pivot… it’s a muscle that you need to work in order to utilize it in life. Having that skill in my back pocket is very handy when life hands me a challenge that I don’t think I can handle. It allows me to rise up out of the hardship and even thrive in a situation that would typically make me crumble.

Look out for the good
Since I know that I am going to be reflecting on my day every night and again in the morning, my eyes and heart are always open for the good. I am looking for it all day. There is something profoundly rewarding when these small moments of joy pop up, are recognized and recalled later. Suddenly, my heart is so full with these positive recollections, the negative falls short in comparison.

Creates a record of the good
Some days suck. Everyone has sucky days. It’s what makes the good days even better, right?. How cool is it that on those particularly sucky-suck days, you have a whole log of good stuff you can look back on and fill your cup back up with?

Perspective
Journaling is all about perspective. By practicing gratitude regularly, I am setting my own perspective on how I view my world. We truly have the power to control how we see the world and how we choose to handle what life throws us. When I can’t control a situation that has been thrown at me, journaling is an essential tool that I use to control how I handle the situation. I have that choice – I can control how I get through it. It is a very empowering way of looking at things.

There is no shame in practicing gratitude and I increasingly find myself encouraging others to do the same. There have been so many people in my life who have gone through or are currently going through significantly challenging times in their lives. It breaks my heart to hear the despair as they try to work through their emotions on their own. It is in those conversations that I find myself confessing of my own practice and the benefits I have found. I hope they aren’t rolling their eyes at me. I don’t think they are. All I know is I started my first journal at my worst and it got better. It continues to get better. I will continue to get better – reflecting on those small but good moments and reveling in the big ones.

Find your own inspirational notebook and try it. Why not? It’s time for you to flip your narrative, make your pivot and take control of how you are going to react to the hand you have been given.

(Yes, I am talking to you)